Who says thirteen is unlucky?

So I've made it to day thirteen, which is nothing shy of a miracle. Ed still screams at me everyday. And everyday I don't cave to binging and purging, he only tells me louder how I am failing. Who knew winning would be so tough? It feels good overall, but Ed sure isn't gonna give up easily. I'm going to do my best to stay focused on my goal and not Ed's. His guilt does not need to be my shame. He is still winning in small ways, but I will overcome those as well. I look forward to the day where a starving feeling tummy doesn't feel like a sign of strength and I can recognize it as hunger that needs to be fed.

Small Miracle

I know it is only Wednesday morning but it has been a long week. And it is no small miracle that I have made it to. Day 11. I will admit Wednesdays have been hard for me the last couple of weeks. Having to drive to Omaha has made my food choices not so great. And of course that usually is very hard for me to deal with when I get home. I am still very determined to not make tomorrow day one. Just trying to breathe and make it through. I have to remember no matter what Ed tells me he does not make me stronger. I have to truly tell myself that he is killing me. I don't want that. I will try to continue to be stronger and not let him win.

Double Digits

So I've made it to Day Ten (again), but my double digit success never seems to last long. I determined not to make tomorrow Day One. So much of my being wanted to cave to Ed last night. I am not sure how I managed. He's still winning small battles, but I'm working on overcoming those too. Food is not the enemy. Rest is not the enemy. Ed and Miss. Perfection ate very much the enemy. Battling Ed & Miss. Perfection sap me of my energy for anything else. Eventually it won't take so much to win. Right now I'm tired.

Relationship? How about breakup?!

I've decided to once again fight to end my relationship with Ed and to win this breakup once and for all!